Top Ten--Things I'd Rather Do than See John McCain become President

Title is pretty self-explanatory. This list is interspersed with things that I enjoy doing and things that I would never want to do in a million years, but would still rather do than see that bloated, reductive gasbag become our next President.

10. Talk to my mom.
I think this is a no-brainer. My mom is great. She grew up in another country, so she has great stories to tell. Plus she's the woman who raised me. I'd definitely rather have a conversation with my mom than see John McCain become President.



9. Watch "Boston Legal"
Man, is "Boston Legal" ever a crappy show. Seriously. It's just the pits. And yet, if forced to choose between watching the antics of James Spader, William Shatner and Candace Bergen (three of the creepiest men on television) at gunpoint and watching John McCain win the election, I'd weigh it heavily and ultimately settle in for many hours of boring legal dramedy.


8. Dance
Now you might not think it to look at me. I'm kind of quiet, reserved. But I actually do enjoy a good dance every now and again. Mostly alone. Mostly in my bedroom. Mostly to Madness songs (very danceable music right there. Check 'em out). Dancing is definitely preferable to seeing John McCain and Klondike Barbie win the highest elected office in the country.


7. Go to Church
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm not religious. I'm a fallen Catholic. I sometimes wish I were still religious. I sometimes wish I still had it in me. But alas, I don't. I'd still rather sit through a Sunday of Catholic Mass every week until I die than see a McCain-Palin administration. But this of course requires a qualifier. That's Catholic Mass. The one that clocks in at about 70 minutes (at the longest.) This excludes any lengthy, Southern Baptist, or Black Dancing churches that seem (from what I understand) to go on for hours until somebody says "stop." I would have to reevaluate the deal in that case.


6. Watch the cinema of Meryl Streep
She's just great, isn't she? If you watch Silkwood and don't cry at the end, you might just be made of stone. I would definitely rather watch Marvin's Room or even the fun and very underrated She-Devil any day than watch McCain win the presidency.


5. Drink Massive Amounts of Campari
If one were to turn hatred and anger into liquid and bottle it, Campari would be the result. It's disgusting. It tastes like death. I have a theory that it's not even meant for consumption. And yet, I'd gladly imbibe generous helpings of it to get out of having to suffer through four years of McCain politics.


4. Go to Quebec
Real Canadians are actually supposed to despise French Canadiennes, but I don't. Despise is such a strong word. I don't like them. I think they're smelly and rude. But I don't despise them. I'd love to go back to Quebec. It would give me an opportunity to practice my French. And I would have the added bonus of being in another country within another country, should McCain take control of this one.


3. Go to Traffic Court
I've been to hell and it's Traffic Court. But I'd gladly go to traffic court than have to deal with a McCain presidency.



2. Watch The Godfather 3
It's actually my favorite of the series. Granted, I haven't seen part two, but I just love the ridiculous, over-the-top campiness of part 3. Sofia's bad performance. The crazy Vatican storyline. Fallen Catholic here. Through in a little Vatican scandal and I'm hooked. And yes, it's still much better than having to watch McCain say "my friends" a million times during his inaugural address.


1. See Barack Obama get elected.
I think this is the most important one of all, don't you?